EVERY CHURCH EVER


And in the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. (yee) My dad said that God’s not real. And God’s spirit moved upon the face of the water. (ooooooooohhhhhhh) My dad says that Gods not real and the spirits aren’t real either. And God said, “Let there be light!” Uh, how could he say that cuz if you think about it, language wasn’t even invented yet. ( Thank you!) Okay, if you have something to say, remember to raise your hand. (And not be a jerk) – Yes, Alfie?
– Can I say it now? – Yes.
– God’s not real. – Listen. Do not make this hard on me, all right? I already have enough trouble keeping these kids’ attention! – Perhaps something can sweeten the deal?
– Okay. Here’s some chocolate. Guys! God’s real! Oh my gosh, he’s so freaking real oh my gosh! They bought it. Every church ever. (choir music) You’ve been blessed. (rock music) Let’s get ready to baptize! – Get dunked and get wet with the Jesus!
– Get dunked and get blessed by the Jesus! -Get dunked and get wet with the Jesus!
Open up your faith, and let it blow into me! – Get dunked and get wet with the Jesus!
– Get dunked and get blessed by the Jesus! -Get dunked and get wet with the Jesus!
Open up your faith, and let it blow into me! Every church, every church. Ever. (um excuse me wtf?) (here comes becky with the big ass hat) Jesus Christ! – Sir, do you have the time?
– John 3:16. I want all of you to look deep inside
and ask yourself! Am I holding hate in my heart? And If you are I want you to let it go.
Like Rosie, just let it go! -And instead of carrying hate
– What do you want? I want you to carry God with you. So take this moment, right here right now,
right here right now, and let God into your heart. Get away from me! Don’t touch people! Don’t touch
people in church, right? Right? That priest is hella cute!
Oh, I shouldn’t say hell. Jesus Christ! Glory! I just don’t understand how Jesus is the son of God
if God didn’t even have sex with Mary? All right. Now dude. I know you’ve been in church before. But this is a little different because it’s a black church. Oh, oh, yeah. I know I got this. Praise Jesus! Oh hell no, Judas! you don’t f with G O D. Yeah, you know me this little light of mine sing with me guys. I’m gonna let it shine. Hallelujer! , *it’s Madea reference.* Let it shine! Let it shine! I feel the force, and I ain’t talking about Star Wars, y’all! Oh no here it comes. Yo this not my white dude. Every church ever I would like you all to help me pray for my son Robbie. He broke his leg and needs a speedy recovery. That is so sad for little Robbie. But I need your most sincere prayers for my son Michael. Now Michael broke both his legs and arm.And He’s blind in one eye. He look like Fetty Wap! (goofy dat u?) Well, I will be praying for both Robbie and Michael. I must remind you that I still need your prayers for my son, Dennis, who was born with no arms, no legs His skin’s flaking off. He’s cold all the time, and he’s only expected to live to nine years old – Isn’t Dennis your pet snake?
-Yes. Jesus Christ. Glory! (Mumbo jumbo) Every church ever.

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