How Can I Leave My Church Well?


Okay, so, maybe that’s another question where,
in the abstract, you can answer one way but in the particulars of life there’s just so
much you need to think about and so much you need to consider. So, first, I would say be
very, very careful. You don’t want to destroy a church, right. Let’s distinguish between
a false church versus an unhealthy church. So that church you’re describing there, you
could come to deeper theological convictions, you’ve come to see that that church does not
share your convictions. And in fact, probably in some ways, you see that church as opposed
to your convictions. I think you still need to ask, is that a false church? Are they teaching
a false gospel? What would I say? You know, that’s probably an unhealthy church. I think
they’re still preaching the gospel, but they have some unhealthy parts to this church,
there’s some theology they’re teaching that’s wrong. Even though they still teach the gospel,
they’re emphasizing these things or they’re endorsing this kind of theology or this kind
of teacher.So, let’s distinguish between those two things. If it’s a false church and they
are preaching a false gospel and they are leading people to hell. Then absolutely, you
need to get out of that church right away. And you need to talk to other people you love
in that church and tell them to leave too, right. I don’t think it’s that kind of church,
based on what you’re saying. So probably it’s a, what you might consider, an unhealthy church,
right, your convictions have changed. So I would say, first be very, very careful. It’s
not your job to destroy that church. In fact, if you decide to leave the church, I think
you need to leave really carefully. Simply withdraw from the church quietly and go to
another church, but do all you can to leave respectfully, to leave kindly, not to burn
bridges, not to feel that you need to drag other people out with you. Just step out of
it, show humility, and show proper respect for people who, even if you believe they’re
theologically misguided, are still sharing the gospel, still drawing people to Christ,
we hope, even if their theology isn’t exactly what you believe in. So, reformed people I
think can have a bit of a burn it down mentality when it comes to churches like that. You know,
they talk about the cage stage of Calvinism and stuff, right, where for a while, you’re
just so excited about this theology you just want to share it with everyone you know and
you just can’t believe other people aren’t seeing it. Just be very, very careful. Be
very, very humble. Probably the best thing you can do is leave quietly. And understand
that if you don’t have the pulpit in a church, you’re very unlikely to change the church,
right. So if you’re the pastor of a charismatic church, you can probably lead that church,
there may be a way you could lead that church into sound doctrine. If you don’t have the
pulpit, you’re not an elder in the church, you’re not a pastor in the church, it’s very
unlikely you’ll be able to change it. So, instead, if that’s your conviction, your conscience,
and you’ve prayed about it, just quietly withdraw from the church and go to another church that’s
closer to your theological convictions. And find ways to serve God and serve His people
there.

10 comments

  1. In repeatedly saying "Quietly step away and leave" you are advising people not to speak to the pastor and/or elders before leaving? That surprises me.

  2. What do u do when a church doesn't act like family? No matter how hard u try to be the "brothers & sisters" in Christ it just doesn't happen. People come to church but just as soon as it's over there up & gone. Any suggestions?

  3. I might suggest that we check out Acts and see what and where the real church body gathered.  Not is secular buildings, not tax grants from the government, not in denominations, not in some guys theology, but the actual Word of God.  The Bible tells us the Holy Spirit will teach us, and we will have no need for any man to teach us, for He will write His words on our hearts.  Come out from among them and be seperate, says the Lord, and do not touch the unclean things, and He will accept us.  God bless all 🙂

  4. Should I leave a church if the people there are always ignoring me and pushing me away?

    At my local church, everyone has known each other since childhood, and they legitimately treat each other like family. But I've only been going for about 2 year, and in that time they've never treated me like a brother. To them, I'm just the awkward, nerdy guy that they have to be nice to because that's what "good Christians" do.

    I've tried to connect with them and make plans, but they always ditch at the last second. This has been going on for almost 2 years. Should I leave, or just suck it up and deal with it?

  5. Call the city and tell them to put you on tap water. If it's cost prohibitive, ask God for the provisions, and let the congregation know about the need. After some time of prayer and discernment, you may decide to just keep the church on the well.

  6. Here's a question (unrelated to this video). As far as contemporary worship music goes, how do you find doctrinally sound sources of music to listen to?

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